Monday, March 31, 2008

Porsche memory sticks, praying mantii and pain

I was probably going to say something witty and entertaining about my ski trip, but right now the only thing I can think of is Porsche memory sticks, praying mantis's , and pain. I'll start with the memory sticks.

As you can see in the picture above, that is a Porsche on the end of a memory stick. I found it searching for "yellow porsches" on Google. I don't really know what to say about it, except I want one. The picture explains it all. I wonder if it makes your computer go faster.

On Sunday afternoon, having just returned home from the ski trip, I was helping like a good little girl and carrying the stuff in the house when I saw this guy -

It really begs the question - why are so many bugs after me? Did I step on one of their brethren once and now there is a contract out for my head - or sanity? Little buggies who are reading this, please accept my deepest apologies for whatever I did to anger your little buggy selves, and let us move on like civilized....beings. Thank you.

What do you think the plural for praying mantis is? Praying mantii? Praying mantisis? I like praying mantii, personally.

And now, the pain.

My knee is pulsating fire. My left knee, (which could probably considered ironic since it is NOT the one that had and has a previous injury) is the one doing the pulsating.

You see, after my knee was exposed to a possible blowout skiing, I went ahead and danced for 5 hours. Which was actually ok for the right knee (the one with the previous injury), because the left knee got the short end of the stick.

I was dancing with my friend, and was led into a step in which I was supposed to use his arm as a monkey bar (I don't understand it either). But instead of doing the smart thing and doing the step correctly (to easy!), I went ahead and slipped. Down into the splits. Which is usually ok for me, but I went down kinda hard (remember I did slip into this. I was not expecting to end up on the ground), and now have a bruise the size of a small European country on my left knee. Here comes the part where my ballet teacher slowly but surely hits her head repeatedly on her computer. Ready?

I kept doing the step. Using my friend's and my version(my friend and me? my friend and I?). The other times I didn't fall into it, but I still kept cracking my knee into the hardwood floor pretty hard. It is, however possibly one of the coolest steps I have ever done in that dance. I love it. And, the bruise is a lovely deep mauve color, so that's nice. I would be sad if it was black. Not pretty enough.

Other than the whole knee of fire thing, it was awesome dancing for that long. And now, please excuse me while I go ice both my knees.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

I am.......worn out

I have been skiing for the past 5 hours. Which has left me burning on -2.74 burners. Which is really code speak for "I have officially bonked, and cannot think of anything witty or deep to write to all 3 of you".

I hope my creative brain cells have recovered by tomorrow. I am sorry to disappoint, but the only thoughts that are randomly firing through my deprived brain are "I am so tired........ so tired........ so, so tired........ i would like to be warm now. so tired. is it bed time? tired..... so sore....."

Good night, and wish me good luck.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Extra extra, read all about it!! Stupendous Spider saves the world again!

Stupendous Spider Strikes Again: An in depth report by Alice Y. Porsche

At approximately 11:37 a.m on March 28th, Stupendous Spider was spotted in his usual haunt of a kitchen window sill. SS, has he is known for short, was sighted during his take down of the notorious "Fly Boy". There was a warrant for Fly Boy's arrest, citing charges for disrupting the peace, harassment of family pets and defacement of public property.

Stupendous Spider (who made head lines when he single handedly captured and ate The Wasp two days ago), was unavailable for comment regarding his latest exploits, but there were eyewitnesses who were willing to share what they saw.

"I was just washing the window sill, and I heard Fly Boy buzzing near by", recalls Milly Malone, resident of Hothem City, " and I had heard on the news he was dangerous, so I backed up towards the fridge".

What happened next is usually only seen in horror movies and comic books.

"Fly Boy landed on the sill and pulled out some spray paint and was getting ready to let is loose when BAM! Stupendous Spider jumps out from his little hidey hole, wraps Fly Boy and spirits him away to his cave" remembers Ms. Malone.

Shaking her head, she adds,
"I don't think we will be having trouble with Fly Boy anymore".

Says bystander Clem Clediddlehopper,
"It was really scary. I was afraid that there was going to be a huge fight, so I ran to the safety of the backyard and my guard dog, Snarky".

Continues Ms. Clediddlehopper,
"I could hear Milly gasp, then start clapping, and I could hear SS bundle Fly Boy up in a matter of seconds, but I wasn't going in until it was confirmed to be safe".

Police are speculating Stupendous Spider has given Fly Boy the same treatment he gave The Wasp a few short days ago. Fly Boy has been taken off the Wanted list, so it can be assumed the big wigs believe there is no longer any threat.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Some of this and that...

I like to take pictures. Mind you, I take the term "amateur photographer" to a whole new level, but I think so of them turn out pretty good. Which proves my egotistical side. And delusional side, I guess. (some of the pictures look grainy, but that is because they have to be mashed down to get on the site. sorry bout that)

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

An open door attracts wildlife

I don't know why nobody ever closes the screen door. It attracts all manner of outdoor creatures. The Wasp. A huge mosquito, which flew in when we were doing the dinner dishes.

And this little buddy. He/she/it apparently waddled in here of he/she/its on accord. Did not even fly. Just waddled. I think it was mocking us.

Ha ha, look at me, I can walk! But only because I choose to! You cretins need huge metal things to achieve what I was born with! Muwahahahaha!

Dumb bird. Then, when we scared it with talk of Zac Efron possibly being considered for Edward Cullen (Twilight movie. Look it up), he/she/it had the audacity to go and do this.

First the rug, now the chair (albeit the one that is being revamped). What next? My friend thinks its a cute little baby bird that can't fly and is waiting for its mommy. I think it was plotting something along the lines of pooping on our furniture.

From now on, I am closing the screen. Even if it gives me stuff to blog about.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Picture this.

You are sitting there, minding your own business, reading about the Civil War when you hear a deafening humming. The kind you normally associate with jack hammers and large diesel trucks.

You look over from your previously safe and peaceful seat at the kitchen table to see one the biggest wasps you have ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on, about to touchdown on your kitchen windowsill.

Just as you are about to scream bloody murder for the injustice of an icky wasp laying its nasty little feet on anything in your house, an enormous spider jumps out of somewhere in the window track, and proceeds to take the wasp down. You look for a cape and underwear on the outside and strain your ears for lame-o theme music, but can’t find either, so you return your attention to the epic battle unfolding just above your garbage disposal.

In the time it took you to realize that this spider is not affiliated with Superman or Batman, StupendousSpider has sedated The Wasp, and is carting him off to his underground lair, where he keeps tabs on the world above, practices his martial arts, and whips up the occasional creme-brulee.

One can only assume that SS had crisped up The Wasp with his flamethrower and downed him with a glass of milk (good for the bones you know) and moved on to reruns of Mythbusters, because the thunderous humming stopped a couple of minutes ago. It doesn’t take a degree in astro physics to connect those dots.

Because I don’t really like bugs (read: deep rooted pathological fear) it’s kind of a big deal that the hero of that story is a spider. I dislike (read: hate and fear more then any other thing on this green earth, including Oreos) spiders more then wasps. Which is kinda dumb, because a wasp can chase you but I think humans can out run most spiders.

But I digress.

The Wasp is no more, and StupendousSpider saved the day once again. My favorite part of StupendousSpiders’s whole existence? This is the second time I have ever seen him. I always like a hero that stays in the shadows.

Monday, March 24, 2008

I have found a new love.

I have liked a lot of actors.

I liked Johnny Depp in his Jack Sparrow persona.

I liked Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker.

I liked Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter.

I liked Heath Ledger. It was just after his tragic death that I watched A Knights Tale, one of the first leading roles he had. Which was a little depressing.

George Clooney (come on, he is on everybody's list and you know it), Casey Affleck, Sean Bean, Ewan McGregor and Alex Pettyfer have all made the list at varying times. I even turned a favorable eye on a couple Robert Pattison pictures.

But they all pale in comparison to the inhuman (read: out of this world, beyond human reckoning of gorgeous) attractiveness that is Gaspard Ulliel.

Whatever he poetic justice he lacks in his name, he makes up ten fold in his face. Amen.

This blog is about what I do on a day to day basis, and today I looked at pictures of him. I did some other sundry things (ate, slept, showered...). All irrelevant.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Humorous exploits

Today, I shall bestow upon ye mortals a list of "entertaining" things to do when you are: bored, catatonic, lethargic, or trapped somewhere with bloody thirsty sharks and greedy matchmaking mothers all around you (note: only one of those items applies to bleeding bachelors).

  1. Play ping pong with a 4 year old. Guaranteed entertainment. Wear a face mask for safety.
  2. Take pictures of people playing ping pong with a 4 year old. Also guaranteed fun.
  3. Look up cameras and try to figure out the difference between aperture, ISO, focal length and CCD size (?). This should only be used if you are in the mood for mindless entertainment. Otherwise you will hurt your zygomatic muscle trying to figure out why multi segment metering characteristics are so important.
  4. Go ride a Kawasaki KLR 650 dirt bike/motorcycle. 'Nuff said.
  5. Sing loud, obnoxious karoke to AC/DC's song "T.N.T". Then give an encore performance of Aerosmith's "Dream On".
  6. Scratch small dogs feet as they attempt to get some shut eye. Giggle uncontrollably when they give you the evil eye.
  7. Read Calvin and Hobbes. Then go find a stuffed animal and take it to school/work with you, and talk to it multiple times throughout the day. (this works best if you work in an office. Law office, for best effect.)
And finally,
  1. Mention the words "pusillanimous" and "stentorian" in causal conversation. (definition of pusillanimous: adjective, showing a lack of courage or determination; timid. Definition of stertorian: adjective, loud or powerful regarding a persons voice).

Well, have fun. And take some video. If you want to win the Best Comedy Video Award on YouTube, take a video of you singing AC/DC. With your stuffed animal.

I must apologize for the randomness of this post. But it made me giggle, so I thought I should share it. Bonus points to anyone that caught that "bored, lethargic, and catatonic" are synonyms and knew that "zygomatic " was secret medical speak for the muscle in your cheek.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

I have made a grievous error....

Forgive me. I never meant to confuse you in such a way. I....well..... I used the wrong word. *sniff*

Defer, as it turns out, means to put of an action or event until a later time; postpone. What I meant, however, was deny, or decline. In my excitement to get my first ever post up, I accidentally added deffer to my spell check.

It is not a real word. While I am all about making up new words ( awesometastical is a great example), that is a deplorable error.

I 'm sorry. However, now that this is said, I really hope some people *coughcough* will forget this . Within this century. Really. It's ok to let go. Move on.

Friday, March 21, 2008


I was planning to make the first post either: chatty, "oh, hi, I'm blah blah blah" or more along the lines of introspective and "here is the first step in a new direction!". But, instead, I am going to rant. A small rant, but a rant none the less. I might do that alot, and I might not. But I digress.

*note: I just wrote this whole thing, and then lost it. I need to work on that...*

I am a Girl Scout. By definition, that means I am going to have to sell Girl Scout Cookies. Which means that I see a lot of people going in and out of my local grocery store, as I try to convince them that what they really want is a good box of Thin Mints.
I think it should be stated that the convincing usually takes place in late winter/early spring, with 5 hour shifts.
There are two emotions on the faces of the people I see that rise above the rest. Joy. And fear. Yes, some times you see people who look pitying, curious, tired and a myriad of other facial expressions. But I see a lot of fear. And failed attempts at avoidance, but that is a run off. People "talking" on their cell phones, not realizing their phone is up side down. People seeing us as the look up from their receipts, and scramble to find the nearest non Girl Scout occupied exit.
My big question is - why? All you have to do is say "No, thank you" and go on your merry way.
If you think you are going to personally offend them, remember this: you are not the first nor the last person who is going to deffer the offer to suit yourself up with some Carmel Delights.
Unless you deffer cookies in a cruel, heartless fashion, they will probably forget all about it within an hour.
Unless they are Brownies.
They might forget in a half hour.
Please don't take it personally. It's just that you are the 168th person they have seen walk out that door, and by the 2 1/2 hour mark, everything kind of blends together in a blur of sore feet.
Phew. I feel much better now.
(Lest there is any confusion, I am advocating buying Girl Scout cookies. They taste really good fresh and frozen, and its a good cause. But if you don't want any, be kind about it.)

This is my first escapade into the world of blogging, so let me know what you think be leaving a comment!