Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Picture this.

You are sitting there, minding your own business, reading about the Civil War when you hear a deafening humming. The kind you normally associate with jack hammers and large diesel trucks.

You look over from your previously safe and peaceful seat at the kitchen table to see one the biggest wasps you have ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on, about to touchdown on your kitchen windowsill.

Just as you are about to scream bloody murder for the injustice of an icky wasp laying its nasty little feet on anything in your house, an enormous spider jumps out of somewhere in the window track, and proceeds to take the wasp down. You look for a cape and underwear on the outside and strain your ears for lame-o theme music, but can’t find either, so you return your attention to the epic battle unfolding just above your garbage disposal.

In the time it took you to realize that this spider is not affiliated with Superman or Batman, StupendousSpider has sedated The Wasp, and is carting him off to his underground lair, where he keeps tabs on the world above, practices his martial arts, and whips up the occasional creme-brulee.

One can only assume that SS had crisped up The Wasp with his flamethrower and downed him with a glass of milk (good for the bones you know) and moved on to reruns of Mythbusters, because the thunderous humming stopped a couple of minutes ago. It doesn’t take a degree in astro physics to connect those dots.

Because I don’t really like bugs (read: deep rooted pathological fear) it’s kind of a big deal that the hero of that story is a spider. I dislike (read: hate and fear more then any other thing on this green earth, including Oreos) spiders more then wasps. Which is kinda dumb, because a wasp can chase you but I think humans can out run most spiders.

But I digress.

The Wasp is no more, and StupendousSpider saved the day once again. My favorite part of StupendousSpiders’s whole existence? This is the second time I have ever seen him. I always like a hero that stays in the shadows.

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