Tuesday, April 29, 2008


I was going to post something not related to my dads accident, but that is whats going on in my life right now.
Human brains are funny (at least mine is).

I can now talk about him and not tear up, but seeing his closet, or holding my dance teachers hand makes me sad. His closet just smells so much like him, it's like running into a wall of Dad. My dance teacher has hands the same size as Dad, so holding his hands is like holding Dads, which makes me miss him.

I really want him to wake up, not because I want to hug him, but I want him to hug me. Nobody else hugs like my dad, and its been a week since I've had a Dad hug.

Weird things make me think of him. When somebody talks about Myspace, I think of him. Rope, certain pillows, going to a restaurant and hearing someone ask for hot sauce, little quirks my uncles have that are exactly like Dads, all those things make my throat tighten.

Every time we eat out on the patio, my dad is the last one back in the house. So, last night when my uncle came through the door a couple minutes later than everybody else, I almost opened my mouth and fired out some witticism aimed at Dad. Then I saw it was Mark, not Matt. It was like missing the last step on a staircase. You step down and for a split second think you've got it, then comes the sick sensation of an unplanned drop, then the hit.

Everything is slowly going back to normal. The mail keeps coming, the paper continues to be delivered, and Mom still has to go to the grocery store. My brother still goes to school, I got spacers (in preparation for braces) on yesterday, and now my mouth hurts like nobody's business.

Apologies must be offered regarding the lack of posts this last week. It was pretty crazy, but I could have tossed out a short entry. So, I am sorry about that.

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